Poem Post : INFATUATION- written last year.

I see you with those dark brown eyes.

And as usual I pretend like I don’t really care.

But it’s getting more and more difficult.

I suffocate in the mixture of emotions.

I have been drowning since day one.

And he doesn’t even know the power he has over me.

I guess its infatuation and it’s my fault.

Or is it his? Whichever way. I’m still not over.

Not over the feeling I get when he’s near.

I feel my heart throbbing in my chest.

And the tears burning in my eyes.

But I still can’t turn away.

I’m beginning to wonder if I love to torture myself.

Trying hard to concentrate despite the sleepless nights.

It’s getting in the way of who I really am.

I’m affected by all the little stupid details.

But I keep replaying them in my head.

Well I guess they really aren’t that stupid after all.

You know you can hurt me all you want.

You already are without even trying.

And at the end of the day, I still can’t help but love you.

SATURDAY without bowling.

. . .
Running through the monsoon,
Beyond the world,
To the end of time,
Where the rain won't hurt

Fighting the storm,
Into the blue,
And when I loose myself I think of you,
Together we'll be running somewhere new

Through the monsoon.
Just me and you.
. . .


It's Saturday and I'm sick.
Tokio Hotel's playing on Media Player.
Through the monsoon's running in my head.
I miss him, he left yesterday and leaving again today.
Manila.HongKong.KaoShiung.

And once again, the burden of caring and protecting the family rests upon his almost 18 year old daughter.Emphasis on the almost. Does Mom realize? Does kid sis realize? It's heavy. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want comments. Let me do my thing.

I cope. I have to.
After all, it's a Saturday without bowling.

TEN things.

1. I am Jannie and no one can be Me.-I am a unique human being and no one can be exactly like me. I have my own strong points which I use to my own advantage and my weak points which up to now I still try to convert into strong ones. I am my own person and no one can take that away from me.

2. As simple as my six letter nickname may be, I am a complex creature. - I am as complex as a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, just when you thought you’ve solved me; I surprise you all over again. I have my “quite moments” and even my “happy outbursts” and of course I have my “sullen grimness”. To sum it all up, I am very moody hence my complexity. I am very readable and unreadable at the same time.

3. My parents, no matter what, are my friends. - Despite all my faults and the painful frictions I have caused, my parents have been there for me all the way. When I was shunned by my peers, my mom comforted me through tear filled nights. When I was stuck in troubles that I could no longer handle, my dad became my knight in shining armor and slayed all the evil dragons. They are more than just my providers and my support system, they are part of me.

4. I fight with my only sibling but I love her a lot. - For the first six years of my life I was an only child then all of the sudden there she was. My baby sister, my new responsibility. I am now almost 18 and I have seen her grown each day. I fight with her a lot and sometimes we can get physical but I love her because at the end of the day she is part of my flesh and blood and that will never change.

5. I am a Roman Catholic, I shall die one. - I was born a Roman Catholic. I was baptized a Roman Catholic. I shall die a Roman Catholic. Though I may be a bit technical in my faith, I believe in God and in the saints, angels, in the power of prayers, in eternal salvation and in eternal damnation. One day I shall achieve the spirituality that I long for.

6. I talk. A lot. - I grew up talking and talking and talking. I was allowed to express how I felt. I never really had any problems trying to explain or defend myself. Words roll of my tongue and it’s quite fascinating how I can go on for hours. This early training eventually paved my way to being a debater. Though I am quite the amateur, I usually never run out of things to say.

7. I’m a writer. Writing is my passion. - The pen is my sword. I’ve been a writer all the way back since grade school. I never received any formal training. I write the way I speak that is why all my writings have personal touches to them. I have had days where I’ve done nothing but pour out my soul onto paper. I believe in the magic of my words and I still get mesmerized by the way my sentences convert themselves into overflowing paragraphs that are full of my ideas and opinions.

8. I am at times naïve, pessimistic and too giving. - I want to believe that I live in a peaceful world where love, freedom and democracy are practiced and where world hunger, global warming, stupid government leaders and poverty were things you encountered only in nightmares. I’m also such a worrier. I worry even though there isn’t a need to. I even worry about things that don’t affect me directly. And because I’m a worrier, I end up being too giving. Sometimes wanting to take responsibility for everything that I can possibly handle. I sometimes end up being used.

9. I am an obsessive compulsive perfectionist. – Though I may be sloppy at times, deep inside I am an obsessive compulsive perfectionist. My obsessive compulsiveness I got from my mother. My need for perfection from my father. It used to be a problem when I was younger. I remember I’d cry if I didn’t get everything perfectly but as I grew older, I realized that it was through making mistakes that you grow as a person. But despite that, I still can’t help myself sometimes. It’s one of those quirks of mine that I can’t get rid of.

10. I am arachnophobic and alto phobic. - I am scared to death of heights and spiders. Both are related to two painfully embarrassing memories as a child. I just hate the way spiders feel so creepy and crawly on my skin. I’m afraid of heights because I have always associated heights with falling to my death. How very morbid right?